Don’t Fuck a Poet: The Anti-Valentine Slam

The Anti-Valentine’s Slam

presented by Inky Fingers
with Harlequinade
of the Chemical Poets

The City Café
(19 Blair St, Edinburgh)
8 – 11.30pm
Monday 14th February

Entry by donation
(suggested £4/£3)
– it’s a fundraiser!

Calling all the lovelorn, cynical, and still-illusioned! Calling all those without a date for the night, or who want to bring their dates to the hottest, steamiest, nastiest live-lit event in town! Calling worldly wordly competitors and the audience for whose pleasure they will be performing! Calling one and all to DON’T FUCK A POET: The Anti-Valentine’s Slam, presented by Inky Fingers.

We’re calling for 16 brave writers and performers to sign up to compete for a tasty grand prize and the admiration of all. The victor will be eligible for the Scottish Slam Final in Glasgow on 4th March, where they’ll be competing for a £200 cash prize! You can perform anything artful into that mic – stories, poetry, rap, experimental vocalisations – as long as it’s within the time limit and you’re prepared to face the audience judges. The only rule is: no love poetry.

But that’s not all. The audience won’t just be participating in and judging this mock-gladiatorial competition: you’ll be able to buy exclusive D.F.A.P. merchandise, contribute to our fabulous Wall of Love and Hate, and — who knows — maybe find a poet to go home with.

Entry will be by donation, with all funds going towards paying running costs for future Inky Fingers events. That’s for wider publicity, travel expenses for performers from further afield, future venue costs and, potentially, a very special publication later in the year: so come along not just to have a good time but to be part of making Inky Fingers the biggest and best event series for word-lovers around.

Come on down to the City Café for 8pm on Valentine’s Night, and be prepared to have, pace Charlie Dickens, only the best of times.

(Credit for the name of the event goes, of course, to Edinburgh-based writer, blogger and Inky Fingers friend Claire Askew of One Night Stanzas)

Full details on our website (; e-mail to sign up to compete; find us on Facebook and on Twitter @InkyFingersEdin.

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  1. The first 16 competitors to sign up will compete, with no vetting. Extra sign-ups thereafter will go on the reserve list in case of pullouts.
  2. There will be four rounds: first, each of the 16 will perform one piece (time limit 2 mins) and the top 8 scorers will go through; second, those 8, with 2 and a half minutes to impress, will be whittled down to 4; third, those 4 will go head-to-head in two semi-finals (time limit 3 minutes); the 2 winners there will then go head-to-head for champion. Ties will be settled by quick-fire haiku rounds.
  3. The qualifying rounds will be scored out of 10 by randomly-selected (and non-affiliated) audience judges, taking all factors into account. The semi-finals and finals will be judged by the entire audience.
  4. Anyone taking it too seriously, or reading love poetry, will be summarily executed.

One response to “Don’t Fuck a Poet: The Anti-Valentine Slam

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